Gift Cards 101

Hello again, it's your old pal Supermarket Ninja here again with a new 101 for you all.

We have all seen them, and shops that are dedicated to selling them are poping up. Hell you can walk into a Post Office these days and buy them. Im talking about Gift Cards. The peice of plastic that has replaced the paper Gift Voucher from days of old.

Now why is there a need for a 101 on how to use a gift card? THe answer is simple really. People are stupid.

First off, the cards are empty, they have no money on them when they are hanging up in a store. Would retailers be stupid to have money hanging up around a store? No. I see people stealing these cards all the time, thinking that they are taking "free" money. Fucking idiots.

Story Time.

This fucking bogan lady, who looked fucking bogan, dress in all Holden Gear, including a Holden beanie, was hovering around the gift card stand, looking all shifty. I then see her pocket several giftcards and head into the aisles where she discards the cardboard that the cards are stuck to.

She then does a large shopping. Several DVD's, lots of make-up, all expensive shit. SHe gets to the check out and the shopping comes to over $500. When it comes to pay, she pulls out a giftcard (cause on the back it mentions that it can be stored with up to $500 of credit.) She hands it to the checkout chick to put throught, only to have it "decline". When she was asked as to how much was on the card, she naturally didn't know. With the checkout chick thinking that there was money on it, ran a check. She found out it wasn't activated.

The bogan pulls out another card, it two wasn't activated. The checkout chick went throught this 5 times before asking the bogan if she just picked them up off the shelf thinking they have money on them. When asked this question, the bogan ran out the shop. We spent 2 hours putting the shopping back on the shelf, 2 hours that could have been spent on serving customers.

End of Story.

So as you can tell, that was one example of how I fucking hate these mother fucking giftcards. The other fucking reasons is the way the cunts use them.

Now here is a Gift Card basic. You can use them as many times as you like till either the card expires, or you run out of funds. I would suggest that you squeeze them for as much as you can, even if there is 1 cent remaining.

If 5 people leave 1 cent on their card, then that is 5 cents that are left unclaimed. It all adds up.

Now back to the basic. As a result of the multi use gift card, people are spending as they need, which is good, however, the person serving you does not fucking know how much is remaining on your fucking card. They fucking just don't know.

If your shopping comes to $49.50 and you hand over a $50 gift card, or swipe it yourself (which I recomend), then thats fine. There will not be any errors. But if you fucking think that because there is $30 remaining on your card that you can swipe it without telling the checkout chick that there is fucking $30 on your card, that it will deduct the $30, leaving you with $19.50 that you will pay in cash, then, no. It fucking doesn't work like that.

Gift cards that use the EFTPOS machine are basically EFTPOS cards. They are to be treated the same. You don't swipe your ATM card knowing you have $30 left and thinking that the machine knows. You always tell the checkout chick that you have $30 on your card and you will pay the rest in cash. You with gift cards, you should fucking do the same.

The only time a checkout chick will know the balance of your card, is outside a transaction (like before your things start getting scanned). But in the interest of speeding things up, before you start shopping, if your not sure, either check online, or use the ezybanking booth to check the balance. (Thats one thing that Woolworths doesn't advertise at the booths, is gift card balance enquiries. Get on that.)

The time consuming option is to get the checkout chick to check. As the WOWPOS terminals wont let the cards be swiped yet, they have to manually type in the card number.

So please, fucking know whats on your card before you come shopping, and inform the checkout chick when payment is to be made at the end of the transaction as there is too much pissing about to check.

This ends part one on Gift Cards. Tune in for part 2.

Also, look out for a Ninja cast in the New Year.

Want to steal shit? We are watching.

Thats right, if you want to steal shit from a supermarket, know this. We are watching. Sure, you might get away once, twice, maybe even three times, but you will be caught. So take note, if your being followed, or you think your being followed, just fucking stop. Drop the shit you have and just fucking piss off right out the door cause we are fucking onto you and KNOW all your fucking tactics.

THEN there is the undercover store detectives. You don't know who they are, but they all know your fucking patterns. If you think your going to get away with what your doing, then know this. Your plan isnt original, and that the store detectives have seen it before. Just drop it, and piss of and NEVER ever fucking come back or step foot in a supermarket again.

PREDICTION TIME!

When RFID tags on all products become standard, and a national database is established of known items sold/unsold. Tracking of stolen stock will become easy via GPS tracking. Future RFID tags will be microscopic, and unique to each item of stock (eg. One bottle of coke will be "different" from another bottle of coke at the same price(eg same product)).

Now lets all have a laugh at the common stupid theif.

The 101 is back! (The Falling Bottle 101)

The 101 here, back from a long time away from the computer. I have been spending my time working hard, and kicking teeth in. I hope you missed me. I hope that you have enjoyed the content that The Ninja has been putting up in my absence. So now, lets move onto my next 101. Mother fucking soft drink bottles vs register conveyor belts.

The Falling Bottle 101.

As a drinker of soft drinks (aka soda, pop), there is nothing worse than opening a bottle of cola, only to find that the desolved carbon dioxide has reached a point where it all will escape the second you open the bottle. So it is always best to not disturb the bottle as much as possible.

Now, your in a supermarket, and your loading your shopping onto the conveyor belt, what do you do when you put your bottles of cola on the belt? Do you stand them up or lay them down flat (length ways or side ways?)? Why do I ask? Well momentum has a spot in my answer.

Now if you stand the bottles up the way they are ment to stand, the will always fall over when the belt stops and starts in it jerking motion. This cause the liquid in the bottle to move around in the bottle till it falls over. This might be fine for some, and is kinda ok for one bottle. Its ok, youre stupid.

Now what will happen if your having a party? You have 10 bottles of sprite, all standing up, all packed together closely. What do you think will happen?

Well it will all fall over, and some bottle will more than likely fall off the belt and onto the floor. What do you think will happen then? Do you think it will explode open and spray everywhere? You betchya!

So how does one not have a accident with the drinks? Simple, lay the bottles down on their side. LENGTH WAYS. That means, having the bottle point in the direction of travel. If they are sitting sideways, then they will most likely just roll on the "spot" and not actuall go anywhere. Sometimes they will build up momentum and fall off the end of the belt when the belt stops, and results in a very shaken up bottle or a big fucking mess.

So in conclusion, there is only one way to put the bottles, and that is laying flat, langthways, pointing in the direction of travel. It might take up more room on the belt, but you souldn't jam pack the belt anyway. Now if you you stand you bottle up from now on, and it falls off the register and explodes over you, then you are a idiot and need to be removed from society.