Supermarket Ninja Slices your Catalogue.

Hello there, Supermarket Ninja here. The 101 has asked me to post some quick tips on how to survive the horror that is shopping at a Supermarket. Between letting the blood of teenage virgins, and assasinating people that have a bounty on their head, I plan on posting a tip each week. This week its the nightmare of junkmail, more to the point, Supermarket Catalogues.

So today is Sunday, you would have found a catalogue for your local Woolworths or Coles Supermarket in you mail box sometime this week. Maybe on Thursday, maybe even today, all depends on how much the junkmail boy wants his 3 cents per house per junkmail (in a good week, he could get like 20 whole cents for sticking paper in your box).

So you open up the Coles one to check out the specials. You notice that they have 4ltr Moro Olive Oil at a great price of $29.98. WOW!

Now if you have a death wish, you will go into Coles the day you got the catalogue to buy the oil. Make sure you take it with you so I can kill you with a thousand paper cuts when I point out to you the text on the front page that reads along the lines of:

ON SALE FROM MONDAY 14th OF MAY TILL SUNDAY 20th OF MAY

You are a idiot, and you need to die now. Just because you have the catalogue, doesn't mean it is on special yet. Don't even say that it is at home. Unless you have proof that a item is ment to be on special, and the proof has a date on it that has today within its range, don't even BOTHER to say "Can't I get it at $10.99 7 hours early?". Don't. You will only make the spirits of the old ones angry.

While on the subject of specials. If you see something you want that is cheap in the newspaper, or even a catalogue. Take proper note of where the special is from. Look for the logo for Cole, or the one for Woolworths. When you get to the supermarket, see if it matches the one on the building. Also liquorland isn't all stores that sells liquor. Liquorland belongs to Coles. Woolworths has Woolworths Liquor (or Safeway Liquor for our Mexican friends). Woolworths Liquor isn't Liquorland.

Next time while I am stalking the shadows, in Woolworths Liquor and I hear some asshole on their mobile talking to their bogan friend and mentions that they are in Liquorland, you better move quick as my next move will be my katana blade slicing effortlessly through your head till I use my ninja powers to continue my swing into your mobile phone killing your bogan buddy in the Maccas Carpark on Smith St.