I google for supermaket specials and all I get is this stupid site.

That is because YOU are stupid.

Don't worry, Supermarket Ninja is here to help the idiots of the world, and if you got here cause you want a Woolworths/Safeway/Coles/Liquorland catalog, then you are too stupid to go to that retailers website to obtain one.

Fucking idiot. You should jump in front of a car now.

No don't, you will cause the poor sucker that hits you too much paper work, and I don't want them to suffer.

So rather than killing yourself and passing you stupid values and experiences on to offspring, I am going to teach you how to use the internet.

Internet 101

You want a Safeway catalog, because you have a sign on your mailbox that says you don't want junk mail. Well you would go to google.com.au and search for "Safeway Catalog". Then you look for the link to woolworths.com.au and there you have it.

But I take it that is too hard for you still. So I will do the fucking hard work for you.

Woolworths, Safeway, and their Liquor department specials can be found here - http://www.woolworths.com.au/weeklyspecials/

To use, select the state you are in, and what store is closest to you.

For Coles and Liquorland, you can goto http://www.coles.com.au/about/catalogues/.

You can search by suburb or postcode.

And now the hot tip.

Hot Tip

If you are one of the many idiots that have a "No Junk Mail" sign on your mailbox, but still want a catalog every week, then did you know Woolworths and Safeway have a catalog request form?

Well they do, this can be used to get a catalog sent to you everyweek. Or in the case that you don't have a sign on your mailbox, and you havn't got a catalog in weeks, then you can use the same form to inform Head Office that you havn't been getting one, and they will chase it up (plus you can add yourself to the mailing list if you are anal).

These forms can be obtained from the Customer Service Desk. Also while you are there, pick up the current weeks catalog (normally in stock on Monday and may not last till Tuesday.)

I would like to say that Coles has a similar form. You could ask at their Customer Service desk. But cause Coles cant do anything right, I highly doubt it. But try anyway. Couldn't hurt.

I am not The Man.

It is a well known fact that I am easily annoyed, it doesn't take much. From a P-plater in a hotted up car doing 20 below in a 80 zone, when he should be doing 100 over like the the stereotype should be (fuck even the speed limit would be nice), to people that walk slowly in front of you, but you cant get around them because other people are getting in your way too.

However there is one thing that annoys me that shouldn't. Being called the Man.

Standard scenario: Im ringing up some shopping, customer has a child, the customer is of the female type.

Me: "thats (insert amount here)"

Female hands money to the child and says "Give the money to The Man"

I am not the fucking MAN, I am a man, this is true, but I am NOT THE MAN. The Tax office is the MAN, the Police force is the MAN, I am not THE MAN.

Maybe this is some kind of "training" for the child to pay "The Man" when time comes to pay "The Man". A form of brainwashing that has been passed on thru the ages. But it pisses me off.

For starters.

Its not a efficient use of time and energy. The mother should just hand me the money and be done with it. That would be the green way. However handing it to the child then having the child risk dropping the money and wasting more time is not green. More energy is wasted. Just pay and piss the fuck off so I can serve the next asshole.

The next Training scenario teaches the children to fear The Man, at my expense.

Mother: "Watch out for the Man"

The correct phrase should be "Fucking stop running around like a chicken on crack , get back here and stop running into people that could potentially flip-out like a ninja"

Telling the kids to watch out for "The Man" is probably another form of brainwashing, teaching the kids that "The Man" is near and to watch out for "The Man".

So this is where I tell you all, I am not "The Man", I am the mother fucking Ninja, and I will be killing you soon, and the man can't get me as Im better than the man. And stop teaching your children about fearing and paying off The Man.

I hate The Man, but I fucking hate being called The Man.